Dry-Tazed

Willows police officers used Taser-force Saturday to subdue a Maxwell man for allegedly resisting arrest and assaulting police.Luis Edgar Flores, 20, was booked into Glenn Count Jail on suspicion of resisting arrest with violence, assault on a peace officer, and assault with great bodily injury.

Luis was in for a new form of tazure a dry-taze. Anything with "dry" in front of it is not always that great:

Dry-ice
Dry-mouth
Dry-eye
Dry-cell battery
Dry-humping...

Anyways a dry-taze also known as drive-stun is when the tazer is held against a suspect's body without firing the projectiles.

Electricity is pumped into the target; usually on their torso this causes significant pain to the victim.

This "pain-compliance technique" is the new hotness way for the enforcement to get their taze on.

Beware and don't get dry-tazed.

Police Taser Man Who Thought He Was On Fire

Officials say deputies responded to a report that a man was behaving erratically around 3:50 p.m.Saturday in the 45200 block of Florida Avenue in southeast Hemet.

Gentleman strike-up those TAZERS!

The Sheriff's department says when they arrived the man was screaming he was on fire, running over sprinklers and running in and out of traffic. When officers approached, the man became confrontational and made threatening gestures, officials say. A Riverside County Sheriff's investigator says that's when a deputy fired a taser at him.

So let me get this straight this guy was cracked out! This is how I would have approched it, get a bag of crack out and throw some rocks down near the guy and he'll respond like Tyron Biggums (Chappell show)...

OHHHHHHHH, CRACK! **drops to his knees and go for the crack**

Cuff him and go, that easy.

But no, an opportunity to taze a crackhead!

Well the result was not too good the man had trouble breathing and was later pronounced dead. It is still not clear exactly what killed the man. (**whispers**the tazer)

Wary of biting, deputies Tase growling man

CRESTVIEW - A growling, biting man was Tased and arrested on Mayo Trail after an argument about taking pictures of the neighbors, according to the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office.

GRRRRRAAAAARRRRR!
IT'S BEEN SOOO LONG...I JUST WANT A PIECE OF THAT ACTION!
AND I'M HUNGARY! GIVE ME SOME BBQ!

This is what Mr. Dean Thomas Cook (19) was thinking when he leaned over the his neighbors fence, grabbed the woman's hair, slapped her in the head and bit her on the arm.

Damn homie there are easier ways to hit on the girl next door.

The police showed up and his inner Chuck Norris came out as Dean started slapping the officers around and went in for another bite...

"At that time I noticed Dean turning his mouth toward my forearm. He opened his mouth and made a loud growl-type sound. Fearing that he was about to bite me, I released my hold on him," a deputy wrote. Cook sprung to his feet and began to move toward the deputies again when one fired his Taser. Immediately after that, Cook was handcuffed.

Like McGruff the Crime Dog would say...the tazer sure did "Take a Bite Out of Crime."

News Reported gets Tased

So you've seen the news reports yelling into the mic as hurrican katrina is directly behind them reporting the story, well this reporter took it to the next level.

Meet Joe Conger from KENS News channel 5 San Antonio, Texas. In my book this guy is reporter of the year. This tube-age was posted by his son and is described only like his son could:

He's my Dad, and to be honest he said he was thinking of that one word that begins with the letter F...you can almost hear it after he screams/yells rofl...he got scars on his back from that :(

That's not just taking one for the team that's taking one for San Antonio frinkin' Texas right there.

Anyways enjoy...

Tazed on a Scooter

As many of you know, my theory on scooters is that they are a tazing waiting to happen. A death-trap of two-wheeled tazer attraction. The proof is in the (tazed) pudding. See the following story of this poor bastards encounter with his own tazer on two wheels:

TAZED...

Man arrested after brief chase

From not stopping at a stop sign to almost being tizzz-azed, hot damn! New Carlisle, IN resident Mr. Brian Weaver (21) was charged with fleeing and eluding, resisting arrest, (resisting taze?) and a stop sign violation.

Sheriff’s report:


A sheriff's report gives the following account:
A deputy saw a Jeep run a stop sign at North Scott Street and West Lake Avenue in New Carlisle about 9:12 p.m. Wednesday, Aug. 6.
The deputy tried to stop the car, which fled southbound on South Church Street and through several streets, running stop signs, before stopping in the 300 block of South Church Street.
Weaver fled the Jeep, running between houses, with the deputy following, also on foot.
The deputy tried to use his Taser on Weaver, but it did not strike him and he got away.

He resisted TAZE, why is this not an Olympic sport or at least an X-Games event? We will soon post instructions on how to "resist taze." Anyways, unlawful, malevolent, illegal alien Weaver’s identity was found by the police because his car registration was in his vehicle (OMG). What kind of young thug registers their vehicle let alone keeps the registration information in their car! Police phoned Mr. Weaver and he obliged to return to the scene of the crime and turn himself in avoiding yet another possible tazure.

Tasers aren't as nonlethal as they seem (Not Really?)

Andre Thomas was at the wrong place, at the wrong time in Swissvale (throw some cheese on it), PA Monday night after being tazed to death by the police. Clearly the 50,000 volts of tazeness didn't kill him it was "something" that occurred before, during or after the tazeness occurred. The Pittsburgh police have been tazer armed since '04 and are not required by law to be trained in tazin' before they taze.

Road-Rage-Taze!

That's what one road-rage filled woman threatened to do to an especially slow driver about 5 a.m. in Oakland this past winter. I watched her stick her head out of her SUV and scream a profanity-laden version of "Move or I'll Tase you" while I was walking to work.

Tazers don't really, can't possibility, and might be highly unlikely to cause death to reckless, uncontrollable, handcuffed human beings.

Lady, Put the Walking Stick Down or I'll Taze you!

Apparently police in Ohio, who felt threatened by a 49 year old blind woman, opened fire on her with their super tazers. While trying to find a robbery suspect the police entered this blind ladies home. The blind woman became hostile with the police and began swinging at them (probably wildly and in no particular direction) after telling her to stop, they tazed her and took her into custody. (Thank God!)

[Simulated Excerpt from the Police Report]
Officers attempted to play a game of Marco Polo with the accused, but after failing to find the officers, she became frustrated with the game and proceeded to flail wildly at the officers. Since the game was no longer fun, the officers decided to let her down softly by hitting her with 50,000 volts. Score Police 1, Accused 0

Good thing the 5-O are out there protecting us from those belligerent blind people. Maybe next week they can start tazing those homeless guys begging for a dollar. Or better yet those green peacers who want me to save the world one Styrofoam cup at a time.